Thank You.

What an experience it has been to write my thoughts but more importantly to me… finally write down my coming out story from throughout the years.

When I started this little blog project my hope would be to again, share my story, but also share the items that helped me along my journey. Those ranged from music, movies, books, and individuals. I am grateful that I had the dumb luck of encountering all of these pieces in my short life.

I know a lot of folks have a reached out to say how much they’ve appreciated reading through the blogs. High school teachers, college and childhood friends, family, colleagues, all the individuals who reached out throughout the month or followed along, I’m so appreciative of the messages you sent. If there’s something I’ve learned from this project is that I need to do a better job at maintaining relationships. For some of you it’s been years, and I apologize for not doing anything to maintain in contact. I’m hopeful moving forward this changes.

Some of you might be curious as to where things are at with me. I think things are great. I have a job in the field of work I’ve always wanted to do. Maybe some of you better understand why I do the work that I do now. Inclusion is a gateway to endless possibilities for the development of a happy and whole spirit. You help someone feel like they belong, help someone understand the innate value and dignity they have and they’ll reach their fullest potential. This is especially true for individuals who struggle with sexual or gender identity outside of the socialized norms. I believe that and I always try, often fail, to foster that as much as I can with the students I work with.

My relationship with my mother is the best relationship I’ve ever had with her. I’d die for her. It’s through her that I’m trying to learn and remember everything I can…whether it be learning from the courage she had when she first came to the U.S., to her beliefs in God that often mix Catholicism with a bunch of other traditions she learned in Mexico. Summer of 2017 saw this relationship hit a moment where I could finally feel like myself, nearly 3 years after I first came out to her. One Saturday summer evening I decided to order an Uber and take her to the Kit Kat Lounge in Chicago. For those who don’t know, the Kit Kat Lounge is a restaurant/bar that has drag performances every 20 minutes while you sit and eat/drink. I figured, she found Valentina from drag race to be entertaining, she’s ready for it in real life. That night at the Kit Kat Lounge, the performer was Dulce Andrews, a Latina performer. It couldn’t have been a better night for us to have gone. Before I knew it, my mother was tipping the queen…that’s right Momma Perez was tipping the queen!! Afterwards we walked through Boystown and I showed her around and talked through why a neighborhood like that came to exist and why it’s so important. I want to say that evening was an evening we got closer to one another.

My relationship with my father is good. As I mentioned in the previous post we haven’t talked about me being gay since I came out to him. Will that change…I hope so. I’m hopeful that that moment will come along. I admittedly have always been closer to my mom, a momma’s boy from the start. Ultimately that doesn’t mean I can’t or don’t want to have a close relationship with him. I do. I also know it will take time. What I always tell myself, and perhaps I’m wrong to have this mindset, but I think that if it took me 22 years for me to accept and come out as gay, I need to have some grace for those around me as well. I eagerly wait to have a close relationship with my dad.

My relationship with my brothers is good. They know who I am and I hide nothing. Do they make problematic ass statements, absolutely…but best believe I am always there to say something. To be frank, as time goes on, I do feel closer to these fools of my brothers and am always mindful that I learned so much from them growing up that I believe allowed me to do what I’m able to do today.

Coming out has taught me so much about the value in always showing up for one another from day one. It’s the exclusion and isolation of hiding who you are, tiptoeing and policing your own behavior out of fear that someone might suspect or perceive you as gay because of the negative socialization we’ve had of being gay that taught me the need to be as open and as unapologetic as possible. Dare I say, by being queer or gay, and leaning into the feminine side as much as I lean into my masculine side and blurring those lines and norms, I give permission for others to do the same.

For folks who have never known someone who is gay, queer, or identifies within the LGBTQIA+ community, be mindful and critical of your own behavior. Be mindful of the language and expectations you set upon people you know or think you know. Be mindful of how you use queer terms as put downs (such as saying something is gay with a negative connotation, etc.). Support organizations and individuals who do good work on behalf of queer people. Support queer businesses. Support queer literature. Support queer people!!

For those who are connected to queer people, tell them they’re amazing. Tell them they’re beautiful. Tell them that they matter. Tell them, that any moment they have to face anti-queer behavior, that they won’t be alone. Tell them that being openly queer today is the dreams of so many folks who couldn’t be out during their time. Tell them they’re loved deeply by so many.

Thank you for following along this month of PRIDE with me. While PRIDE officially comes to a close at the end of June, there is no reason why we can’t celebrate queer history, struggles, and liberation every single day of our lives.

Now go show the world that we’re all ready to accept and love all the queer people that come into our lives as you never know who might need to see it in order to be their most authentic self. This is how we SUSTAIN PRIDE.

Chicago Pride 2018 was one for the books. :) Camera ready, always.