Robbie Roger's "Coming Out to Play"

Now...you're probably wondering (to be honest I sometimes still wonder) how I got connected to Robbie Rogers. He is a soccer player and I wasn't...like ever. I giggle how while we've had completely different stories...there is power in a shared experience of not being out. 

It was December 2014 when I decided to fly from the Twin Cities to Chicago for the Loras Alumni event at the Cubby Bear. I was excited and had a fantastic time with fellow Duhawks. It would be a quick weekend for me at home. Shortly after I remember going out with some of my fellow Duhawks to Boystown...and as you might imagine...it was a long night out! :) 

The weekend would end up going quickly. As a reminder at this point in December 2014 I was out to both my Wisconsin, Iowa, select hometown friends, and Eddie. I was 3/4s of the way through my masters program and my time was running out to eventually come out to the rest of my family as that was my goal...to come out before I finished my masters degree. I found myself  at Midway in Chicago and decided to head to the bookstore in the retail area once you go through TSA. Mind you I had no intention of buying a book, I thought to myself...at most I might get a magazine or a bottle of water for the flight. I looked through the books and magazines and nothing was really catching my eye until of course I see Robbie Roger's "Coming Out to Play" book on display. I grabbed it and assumed to myself, "coming out to play?...is this a gay book?" I picked it up and read the back of the book and thought to myself...well I didn't need another book to read but I felt drawn to it. I decided to myself, "fuck it, what's one more book to read on top of the reading for graduate school." 

I bought the book and ordered an iced green tea (I'm the kind of gurl that orders iced drinks during the winter, sue me.) and found a chair to sit down so I could start reading. I opened the book and was quickly turning the pages. I found myself enjoying the story and finding the struggles of a closeted athlete in a sports world dominated by toxic masculinity as a place to teach to be honest. Selfishly, I looked at the book as a means of teaching the harms of toxic masculinity and the harm it does to queer people with college students. 

It wouldn't be until the second half of the book where I became emotionally attached to Robbie's story. In it he chronicles his eventual coming out to all of his family members. He did so in writing letters to his family members...he would skype them, tell them to check their emails, and ask that they call him back when they were done. How he came out would eventually be an approach I took with my own mother a few weeks later. 

In his story, like in many- but not all queer stories has pain, fear, and questions of the unknown. He would find love where it had always existed but perhaps wasn't always communicated in the way those of us who are queer need to see it so we can feel confident that that love also includes us. 

"Coming Out to Play" is a book I often give students and peers of mine to read now. It became one of my favorites because it's fairly recent and chronicles a lot of the internal thinking/ struggle that happens before someone is able to come out. It ultimately provides enough for many who are or aren't soccer players something to relate to. 

As I look back on my Instagram account, I purchased this book on December 7...and I would finish it 5 days later on December 12. I finished the Fall semester of graduate school and would have one more semester left in order to fulfill my goal of coming out before I finished my program. I didn't think at that time that two weeks after I finished reading Robbie Roger's book I would come out to my mom...and I tell ya what it would be an intense time and moment in my life. 

Much love to this book and much love to all who continue to struggle and figure out their coming out story today and tomorrow.