Yesterday I mentioned marriage equality as one of the major issues that took the spotlight on LGBTQIA+ rights just a few years ago. While it isn't the only issue, it very much was a defining issue within the last few years. Once marriage equality was achieved, weddings, proposals, partnerships officially sanctioned by the government were celebrated nationwide. It's important to note, civil unions, partnerships, agreements, etc. had existed in some capacity and with a lot of variation prior to marriage equality being achieved between same sex partners. 

A younger gay me found myself swallowed up by the excitement around being able to get married with all the legal protections it brought. How did I take on this excitment?...I watched and continue to watch same sex wedding and engagement videos. Jess Glynne's "Hold My Hand" is one of the many songs that sticks out to me (likely because it's featured in so many of these videos on YouTube). A love song that, to me, meant realizing myself in a marriage for the first time at a time when it wasn't legal everywhere in the U.S. It's a fun and loving song, one that is timeless on my playlist! Enjoy the tune, and enjoy a few of the many available engagement/wedding videos set to this track! :) 

Before I forget...the man at minute 4:13 on the right watching his friends in the first video below is literally me anytime I watch videos like this... :) Enjoy!! 

Another American Idol on here...Adam Lambert! After his run on American Idol and releasing a few records, Lambert found himself to be one of the few (if not only) openly gay artists I was aware as I grappled with my sexual identity. It was his song, "Outlaws of Love" in his Trespassing album that stuck out to me. 

While there was never a music video released for it- you'll find various lyric videos and a few live performances of the song. This song was definitely a song you could find 2013-2015 me crying myself to sleep to at night. While I don't think I would label what I went through some moments as symptoms of depression, I definitely was familiar with the unending sadness that can come from a sense of loneliness and fear of rejection. When you coupled those personal feelings with at the time the raging conversation surrounding marriage equality you found the perfect recipe for me to lay late at night listening to this song on repeat. 

"Outlaws of Love" speaks to the queer experience at the time of not having a place where acceptance was the norm and bullying and unequal treatment was a thing of the past. The context of the time also lends the lyrical content to the fight for marriage equality. The desire/hope to have a place where all partners could have a place to be themselves, "to grow old" together. It speaks to the real viewpoints of those opposing marriage equality that same sex couples and individuals would find themselves in Hell. 

"Everywhere we go we're looking for the sun
Nowhere to grow old, we're always on the run
They say we'll rot in Hell, but I don't think we will
They've branded us enough, "Outlaws of Love"" 

It ultimately is what I felt the whole time as the news, organizations, politicians, whoever had the platform at the time to voice an opinion made me feel. What folks sometimes don't realize is that when you're debating a sociocultural issue, like in this case, marriage equality, it is so fucking exhausting to hear it, be part of it, and have to defend it. It is especially exhausting when it is you who has the most to win or lose. To have to sit back and hope that those in power will one day come to embrace you while you let yourself be vulnerable in the hope of changing hearts and minds is oppressive. In the end, I've come to believe that being that person who is willing to be vulnerable with the understanding that one might get derailed, ignored, or at worse denied one's reality is worth it if those who come after us don't have to do the same themselves. It's the nature of the work. Maybe I'm wrong, and maybe future me will come back and call this trash (which is honestly very much a me thing to do now)...what I do know is that it's critical to respect the emotions one feels at the moment for equality. If you feel sad, be sad, if you feel angry, be angry, if you feel happy, be happy. We can't move beyond the feelings of now without respecting and living through them. Listening to "Outlaws of Love" allowed me to feel what I needed to feel at a time where I had very limited outlets of doing so. It allowed me a sanctuary to let my heart feel what it needed to feel. "Outlaws of Love" now is very much a nostalgic tune for me, a tune that speaks to a very different me and a different time which is so weird when you think about how recently the song was released. 

In the second chorus, Lambert sings:

"Scars make us who we are
Hearts and homes are broken, broken
Far, we could go so far
With our minds wide open, open..."

As I continue to evolve and learn and as I continue to lend and retract my voice and presence from conversations depending on my own positionality and whether I am helpful or not, I do know that as much of a cliche it is, open minds do take us to places that challenge our assumptions and identity. I hope to continue to lean into different people's stories with the purpose of making things better. I do hope to go far, not only as a queer person or community, but to go far as a collective people wishing all people equal and equitable treatment for a worthwhile and dignified life. 

Check out the acoustic performance of the tune below!

Gloria Trevi, the Mexican Madonna for those who aren't familiar with her story, her music, and her image! Gloria Trevi has long been an outspoken supporter of LGBTQIA+ rights from the early days of her career in the late 80s and 90s. While she has often been in the spotlight for a wide range of controversies (look her up...she's been in jail in Brazil, accused of corrupting youth, etc.) she has always stood as an ally to queer individuals. Her support was solidified in the release of her song, "Todos Me Miran" or "Everyone Looks at Me" as part of her push to break back into the mainstream Latin pop genre. She would find tremendous success in this effort. 

In her music video for the song you find Trevi dancing with a man who ultimately hits her. Trevi begins singing her track while another man collapses in front of another man and begins to cry and his tears fall on the shoes of the man sitting. Shortly after he begins to dress up in drag. (I get it- at this point you're probably tired of how there's yet another mention of a man in drag...I would say this is going to be the last time I mention it but I'd be lying :)). I would argue this experience is different in that you have Trevi singing a dialogue speaking to what I would argue is society's patriarchal expectation and its narrow definition of masculinitiy. At :45 you have the man in drag walk out of the dark room from where he was previously crying. I see this as a departure and liberation from societal norms for men and masculinity. Later in the video you have Trevi also dress up and walk out of a dark room leaving a man behind...as a parallel of what I would understand how liberation of men from toxic masculinity is connected to the liberation of women from patriarchal and sexists limitations. You ultimately find both individuals- the man in drag and Trevi walking through town confidently and with charisma while everyone looks at them. 

The video is a fun one to watch as you witness both the man and Trevi's liberation. In addition, it's neat to see the song that cemented Trevi's support for LGBTQIA+ issues in the modern mainstream era. Nowadays you'll find lots of gay/queer Latinx spaces often playing her music. You'll also likely see some sort of drag queen performance of her music. One of my fondest memories is a time in Mexico City in the Zona Rosa (the queer district there) when a good friend of mine and I went to a karaoke bar and found it to be a hub for Trevi impersonations and it was the coolest thing in the world. Trevi has so much more music beyond this and continues to show her support for queer folks. You'll see her perform this song live mashed with Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" which is another major queer anthem. You can also check out and follow her fascinating story in the biopic, "Gloria" on Netflix! While her work is in Spanish, her impact can be felt beyond Latinx communities. Enjoy the video below!

Chicago singer Jennifer Hudson came through for the LGBTQIA+/Queer community in 2015 with this music video. It was released shortly before same-sex marriage was legalized in the U.S. by the Supreme Court. While the lyrical content is more oriented as a love song, the video content is what makes this stand out to me. 

Context for those who don't know- the summer of 2015 was a suprisingly lonely summer for me despite having finished graduate school, despite having been hired for my first full time professional job in a dream state, and despite being back living with my siblings after having come out. I didn't realize, nor did I fully understand the impact of not having open communication with my father. After coming out to him in Spring 2015 we didn't talk. He didn't attend my master's graduation. I didn't reach out. More on that will come at a later post...so stay tuned. This video reminds me a lot of that summer because I listened to it on repeat in the basement fixated on what I hope will be my future at some point.

In the video you have a gay couple in the hours leading to thier wedding reception. You have one of the men call and leave a voicemail for thier father following up on the wedding invitation...he ends the call with "...despite everything...I still love you." The video breaks into J-Hud doing her part in singing while the men prepare for the wedding date. All while this is going on, the father picks up the wedding invitation he stored away in a dresser. 

Moving forward you have moments where there is a desire to have a relationship, when the Black father arrives to give his son a hug you see a desire from his partner of wanting a relatioship like that with his own father. Shortly the missing father arrives in his old pick up truck which might speak to the generational difference in views on sexuality as to why there was a strained relationship between himself and his son. You see the father nervously prepare himself to leave his truck and enter the reception, looking confused and perhaps overwhelmed. Once at the reception you see the father and son hug and embrace one another thus helping start the healing thier relationship. I should note that in the land of music videos...healing relationships happens in a matter of minutes and not weeks, months, and years like in the real world. :)  

You ultimately end the video with more queer imagery. It took me a year to realize that Manila Luzon (one of many Rupaul Drag Race drag queens who would go on to reach a level of gay celebrity status) was in the video dancing with J-Hud. You also see Shaun Ross, a pansexual model with albinism who also is featured in a multitude of music videos and modeling agencies. You see non-conforming and queer people in attendance. One aspect I don't want to look past is that this was also an interracial marraige! This is HUGE considering how racist the gay community is...especially when gay men feel it's ok to post or say that they don't want to talk to black or brown gay men on dating sites or on grindr (I refuse to say grindr is a dating site). Their racism is hidden behind the language of "preference" and not the fact that they refuse to accept thier standard for beautiy is socialized by the heavily white eurocentric standards imposed on us by society....haha I'm not bitter at all. 

Anywho- I've blabbed a lot on this video...if you're someone who is working through a relationship with a family member, close friend, or like this video, a father- know that things can get better. At the same time...queer people have the ability to choose a new family, a new friend, a new community that loves you for being you. Much love to the world! 

Freddie Mercury, lead singer of British rock band, Queen, had a very short lived...but I would argue a vulnerable solo career. In this video you have Freddie donning the "Castro Clone" look which at the time was all the rage among gay men- especially in San Francisco's Castro district (the gay neighborhood there). Similar to yesterday's post with Rupaul's "Free to be" video, you have an emergence of queer imagery, individuals, and spirit. Mind you this was recorded several years before Ru's video was released. 

The video is also signficant in that it was recorded in Munich, Germany during Mercury's 39th birthday celebration. In the video you'll see several queer subgroups represented: leather, drag queens and kings, gender non-confirming individuals, furries, etc. Again, looking at the context and time- in the midst of the world-wide gay movement, Mercury while never being a typical advocate for queer rights, did his part in bringing visibility to several groups. It's worthwhile noting that HIV/AIDS was wrecking many queer lives at the time which was made worse by the lack of urgency of world governments, including the U.S. This is especially significant as Mercury would succomb to AIDS several years later.  

While the song is set to a dance oriented rhythm, you'll see the lyrics connect back to what can be the harsh realities of living a queer or LGBTQIA+ life. This is especially true if individuals have not shared this part of themselves to those around them. Note Mercury's line "Got to be some some good times ahead"...despite the emphasis on being on thier own there is optimism for what will come along. The lyrics when fused with the imagery of the video paint a picture of the good that can occur when accepting or living openly about one's liberation. 

Selected lyrics:

"Sometimes I feel I'm gonna break down and cry (so lonely)
Nowhere to go, nothing to do with my time
I get lonely, so lonely, living on my own
Sometimes I feel I'm always walking too fast (so lonely)
And everything is coming down on me, down on me
I go crazy, oh so crazy, living on my own (living on my own)
Dee do de de, dee do de de
I don't have no time for no monkey business
Dee do de de, dee do de de
I get so lonely lonely lonely lonely yeah Got to be some good times ahead"