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One week, una semana remains until I officially am a student again (at least in a formal way). I'm eager to get started. There's something to be said about the lag time between getting accepted into a program and deciding to attend and the start of classes. You're kind of just left to anticipate and visualize a future that can be very happy and positive or one that is immediately overwhelming. Ultimately, I'm excited about learning again and staying on a schedule that I hope makes me a better writer in academia. I'm nervous as it's been a few years since I've done anything academic. The last time I wrote anything academic was for my master's program and while I felt competent then I haven't done much to keep dust off my writing skills. I guess that's why these first courses in the Edgewood program are focused on reading and writing. I'm curious how I'll balance work that I'll keep while I study. The last few years I've been present quite a bit in all things Loras, I anticipate I might need to cut some of my hours to make space for academics. In many ways I feel the need and the pressure to follow the insight I share with students in finding a balance between work, play, and school. Now more than ever I feel a need to role model this for students as best I can. One thing I know I want to avoid is the all nighters I had during my master's program. I vividly remember calling my dad in Mexico at 5:30am/6am in the morning (he's always awake early) as I knew he'd be awake and able to chat and keep me up. I know he knew I was often working on homework of sorts but I don't think he realized how much I often used those phone calls to provide my brain with a break so I could go back to writing more purposefully and with more energy after our phone calls. In many ways, the phone calls I had with him made me put on my "pilas". Between work, school, and life I'm making sure my "pilas" are full and ready for the work ahead. In just a week the journey to becoming the first doctorado in my family starts and I've never been more excited to show the classroom what I can do. I'm deeply mindful of the privilege I have in being able to pursue this. I am also deeply mindful of being able to do this with the support system I have. With this in mind, a big shout out to my family for always dealing with my moodiness which I anticipate will be moodier come a week (haha sorry). While I haven't visited much and while I sometimes put walls up or sound impatient...this degree is for the Natalias, Lil Eddies, and Lil Andys of the world. A shout out to my colleagues at Loras for being supportive. A special shout out goes to Dr. Sunleaf for letting me explore the possibility of a doctorate a few years ago and in guiding me along the way. It might not seem like much but having no one to easily ask questions about or to talk through anxiety and hopes about what a doctorate is and means is something I'll always be grateful for. The last shout out goes to the students I've known through the years. It's because of your curiosity, your drive, your involvement, and most importantly your stories that feed my ambition. To the undocumented whom I've gotten to know and fill me with your hopes and dreams of school beyond an undergraduate degree- this is for you. To the LGBTQIA+/ Queer students who have healed their wounds with me and are off working to create greater inclusion by sharing your humanity in the hopes of changing hearts and minds, this is for you. To my Black and African American students who inspire me through your resilience and sheer excellence despite the world constantly saying no, this is for you. To my Latinx students...who look like me, share the same serpent tongue, and remind me of the love familia has for one another, this is for you. For my fellow first generation college students- I never thought I'd be on this path when I was in undergrad, much less have any of the confidence I have as I do now- know that first gen doctorate graduates exist...and that you too can be one, again- like the rest of our family- this is for you. The countdown begins my friends...but for now I'll listen to some Queen (and maybe Creed too :)) Contigo, Sergio  My textbooks are arriving...slowly it's happening :)
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El Paso, Texas fell victim to the rage of a white supremacist. Mississippi saw the largest immigration raids in a decade. Latinx people in the U.S. have been told their entire lives they don't belong. We've been told we are leeches on all the good the U.S. has. We've been reduced to caricatures of rapists, drug dealers, lazy, dirty, generally undesirable. The current occupier of the presidency himself reinforced these sentiments. All this is happening while the border crisis continues and children are separated from their families. All this continues while our Central American siblings face harsher treatment by traveling through a generally discriminatory Mexico to find the USA destroying their families and treating them as animals in cages. Despite knowing how terrible the journey is, despite knowing the racism they ultimately face in the U.S. these people still make the trip. Imagine knowing the journey to the U.S. is still worth it despite the violence waiting for them...imagine having no choice but to make the trip. I've never felt a darker moment for Latinx people in the USA. Gloria Anzaldúa said, "I am a turtle. Wherever I go, I carry "home" on my back." I've never felt this more than I feel now. I carry home, my Latinidad...but I also carry all the wounds inflicted on us this week. You have Latinx people murdered by bullets. You have our families separated at the border. You have a broken immigration system that continues to make families wait over 15+ years to see loved ones in what some champion as the "right and legal way". You have both immigration raids and the threats of immigration raids every month eroding any sense of security and sanity of the undocumented. Collectively, the anti-immigrant rhetoric spoken by the right and the lies of progress and action by the left leave us displaced. Forgive me for being a little more stressed, a little more tired, a little less trustworthy, and a little less forgiving these days. I work in diversity, equity, and inclusion by choice and by passion...but somedays...nowadays...I understand more and more why people leave the field. Yet I still believe as Gloria Anzaldúa said, "Do work that matters. Vale la pena!" Vale la Pena. It's worth it. Love to all my Latinx siblings.  |
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